MixUp
by obsessed1
Summary: Summary: The team get the wrong impression and it's all their fault. Team whump. Sort of.


McKay wakes up but daren't move. He's got the headache from hell and his stomach is rolling uncomfortably in a way that just can't be good.

He tries to remember where he is and can't seem to form a memory and then he's distracted by the arm being slung over his chest and the body pressing against him. He feels hot breath on his neck. His first reaction is surprise. Then there's panic because he's feeling stubble against his shoulder.

Without opening his eyes he hears an "Oh my god," and the hand abruptly moves and then he's staring into the sleepy and confused eyes of Colonel Sheppard. He inches away from McKay with the same look of alarm mirrored in his expression.

"What the hell happened last night?" Sheppard asks, rubbing at his head and sinking back into his pillow.

McKay doesn't know what to say and words further elude him when he finds the source of his dead leg syndrome. Ronon and Teyla are slumped half naked at the end of the bed.

"You don't think we…." Sheppard's words peter off and he looks like he's trying not to be sick.

"No," McKay tells him firmly. "Absolutely, no."

"Oh god," Sheppard pushes himself upright in stages and finally swings his legs to the floor and sits on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"I can't remember anything from last night," McKay says pulling the covers up around his drafty shoulders. "Seriously. Nothing. You?"

Sheppard's head is now between his legs as he breathes in deeply and replies, "I think we were drugged."

It's the only explanation, McKay theorises, because there's no way he remembers drinking anything. And besides, they wouldn't. They were off-world and it was policy, well Sheppard's policy in fact that no team drinks on away missions.

"_Colonel Sheppard," the Councillor smiles and hands Sheppard a bowl of something liquid. "The trade agreement is complete. Now you must seal the trade with a sip-"_

_Sheppard pauses from drinking and eyes the bowl warily. "A sip?"_

_The councillor smiles tightly, retrieves the empty bowl and gestures to his help. "We will make another batch so that your friends may toast the agreement also."_

Sheppard looks back at McKay and groans. Then he stands slowly, pausing to take a deep breath and close his eyes. "Teyla said we could trust these people."

"I thought, we could," Teyla explains, pulling the covers over herself to cover up most of her nudity. Her cheeks flush and she clears her throat. "My head is pounding."

_Teyla walks to the fire and slumps down beside Ronon, resting her head on his knee and smiling happily. "Mareef says that the drink that we imbibed is…" she pauses and then says. "Apparently….. it has hallucinogenic properties."_

_Everyone stops what they're doing._

"_What?" McKay pushes himself upright. _

_They all share a serious look as the gravity of the matter sinks in. Sheppard's the first to snap, shoulders vibrating as he tries not to chuckle and they all erupt in laughter._

"_So we're stoned?" McKay snorts out, thumping Teyla in the leg._

_Ronon smiles like a dope and pats Teyla's head. "I'm okay with that."_

"_Surprisingly," Teyla tells them. "So am I. I feel wonderful." _

"_I can't be stoned," Sheppard says in a panic stricken voice. "I'm the……I'm the guy. I'm head of Atlantish."_

"_He's freaking out!" Ronon says in a deadpan voice._

"_Atlantish…at…" Sheppard's still testing the words and mashing his finger into his lips. "I can't say it."_

Ronon shifts besides Teyla and elicits a groan. "Feel like I've been in a fight," he mutters and when he rolls over Ronon's got a black eye and the entire side of his face has swollen up.

"Woah," McKay remarks and winces.

Sheppard turns his hands over and examining his knuckles. They're shredded and bloody. "Apparently, I fought back." He holds his hands up to the others. "I'd like to see the other guy."

"How did that happen?" Teyla looks concerned.

"So they drugged us and jumped us?" McKay pulls his feet from beneath Teyla and Ronon and sighs. "Why would they do that?"

"_Sheppard," Ronon pats him on the shoulder and Sheppard turns, dazed and blinking slowly._

"_What?"_

"_I bet you can't land a punch in my face."_

_Sheppard scowls. "Uh…."_

"_Bet you your comic collection."_

_Sheppard looks like he's about to back down. The others are watching with trepidation because they know this is ridiculous and yet they can't tear their eyes away._

"_Come on She-"_

_The words don't come out of Ronon's mouth, because Sheppard's swinging out and striking him in the cheek. Ronon staggers and laughs as he falls onto his ass._

_Sheppard is staring at his hand and shaking it out. "Ow!"_

_Ronon rubs his jaw. _

_Sheppard turns to McKay and Teyla and the smiles. "Okay, Ronon, now it's your turn."_

Sheppard wanders over to their gear, clad in only his boxer shorts and doing that 'I'm still a little drunk/stoned' stagger over to the other side of the tent. He scratches his head.

"What?"

"Well," Sheppard bends down to check their gear and comes up a second later looking nauseous. "We've been robbed?"

McKay finally sits up in bed and regrets the movement instantly. "What?"

"They drugged us, beat us up and stole our clothes." Sheppard paces back and forth. "They left our gear, but everything else is gone."

"Oh this just gets better," Ronon's looking angrier by the second.

"_McKay what are you doing?"_

"_I'm going to swim Sheppard!"_

_Sheppard pauses by the waters edge and watches as Teyla and Ronon start to strip off before entering the water. McKay somehow gets his T-shirt and pants off, disappearing under the water for a few minutes before tossing his wet clothes in Sheppard's face._

"_Come on Sheppard!" McKay calls out, splashing water at Ronon and Teyla and laughing._

_Sheppard groans and bends to take his boots off. "I'm sure this is a bad idea!" he calls out._

_And yet, in a few minutes, he's knee deep in water and not really caring any more._

"I knew we shouldn't have trusted them," McKay snaps as he pushes the covers aside and then promptly pulls them back over himself. He's not as lucky as Sheppard. He hasn't retained an ounce of clothing. Why would they steal his underwear?

_Ronon dunks under the water, McKay's eyes go wide and then Ronon's resurfacing with citrus themed underwear. _

Sheppard's rifling through McKay's pack. "Did you bring any spare clothes?"

"One t-shirt." McKay smiles, thinking he's saved from the embarrassment of going back to Atlantis in the nude, but then Sheppard's tossing it over to Teyla who he's only just realised is also completely naked, save her underwear.

She pulls it over her head quickly and when she stands, it's only just decent.

"Well, great…" McKay pulls the covers around him as Sheppard pokes his head out of the tent flap and then promptly closes it.

He hooks a finger over his shoulder. "Someone's been ill out there. Nice."

"Oh that is just gross," McKay remarks, feeling queasy himself.

Sheppard rubs the bridge of his nose and smirks. "Bet it was you."

"I'll have you know I have an iron constitution."

"So do I, McKay." Sheppard stands with his hands on his hips. "I'm a pilot. Got to have a strong stomach."

_They arrive back at their accommodation and Sheppard pauses outside the tent looking pale and sweaty all of a sudden. "Oh god, I don't feel so-"_

"We should get out here," Sheppard tells them as he sits back down on the bed. "We obviously can't trust these people."

"I agree," Teyla says.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

The voice outside the tent has them all silent. Sheppard and Ronon are already creeping towards their weapons and they both look ridiculous holding firearms, half naked.

"Councillor," Sheppard says. "Thanks for your hospitality but we've decided to leave."

"Leave?" The Councillor sounds disappointed. "That is a shame. We have much to offer."

"Yeah right!" McKay calls out and Sheppard waves him quiet.

"Last night's events have convinced us that you don't."

"Oh. Very well."

There's the sounds of footsteps retreating and they all relax.

"Lucky escape," McKay moans as he stands up. "Can we leave now?"

--

Councillor Mareef turns to his help as they head back into the village. "Oh dear. Perhaps we offended them somehow." He holds their freshly laundered clothes in his hands and pouts. "I thought this might be a good trade."

His help holds the precious energy source or 'ZPM' as McKay had described and nods. "I fear we have."

"Perhaps in time we can repair the damage we have done." Mareef hands his help the stack of clothes. "We may as well distribute their clothing to those villagers that have little and put that-" he points at the 'ZPM' "-away with the other twenty."

"Very well."


End file.
